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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've got it all. Some of you that have been around a while probably knew that I was married, well, no longer. A week before our 5th anniversary together, the wife decided to take some things, leave a note and take off while I was at work. Come to find out that she has been cheating with an 18 yr old kid (who is now in jail BTW, more on that in a bit) and found out the day after she left that she was telling everyone that I was abusive and beat on her on a regular basis. That's when this became personal. I've been told I'm being petty for throwing out her clothes and the rest of her stuff she left behind, but given everything that's gone on and what she has done to me, I figure that is the least I can do to feel a little vindicated in all this. Filed for divorce and just have to wait the 90 days before it's all done and over with. She won't talk at all, even to figure out how to split things, so I did what I thought was right; since I worked my rear over the 5 years to get what we had, I took it all. She got my laptop since she stole it when she left and what else she took with her. The rest stays with me.

I don't understand her mentality in all this; I was a loving, faithful husband for 5 years, despite her refusal to hold a job or even do the few things around the house she was supposed to do since she didn't work. She apparently didn't take the oath and vows we swore to be very serious, as shown by her actions. She is now living with a friend of hers that she met through my friend, which is the husband of this friend of hers, so that puts both of us in an awkward position; he doesn't want to piss off his wife by saying "No, she can't live here", so I called him out on it, told him he was a pussy for not growing a pair and doing the right thing. We don't see much of each other anymore, and that's fine.....I can tell he has very little honor by his actions as well. Financially, I'm way better off, as I was the only one working in the first place, so I just have more money to myself without her spending it and having to pay her way. But that frankly doesn't mean a lot to me......I was willing to do it because I cared and I did love her to death. Horrible thing is, I still do, despite being so angry I could spit. How do you get past something like this and move on? Financially, professionally, I am.....moved and got a new house to live in, pay my bills, holding down a good job......but as a person......how do you deal?

This kid she was cheating with, in jail for something, and he was cheating on her while going out with her....so now she knows how it feels. I should feel vindicated....but I don't. I still care too damn much to think that way; I still want to go and comfort her despite all she's done. Damn this sucks.
 

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Damn, that's tough. I don't have a lot to tell you since every situation like this is unique, but believe it or not, time will help. That doesn't do you any good right now though. Find your support group and lean on them. Try to not lose yourself in drink, drugs, or anger. I know that's not very helpful, but remember that a lot of people have been through these things too and survived.

I do wish you the best, if there should be anything you think I could do, let me know.
 

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Sorry to hear about the troubles. It does truly bite a big one. Been there and gone through something close to that a long time ago.

Only advice I can give you is "Time heals". Sounds like a cliche but it does. Sometimes it takes a long time but it will get better. Best thing to do is put it behind you and get on with living. Try to keep busy doing something, anything, to keep your mind occupied. Take up reloading, learn scuba, rebuild an engine, build a cedar strip canoe, take an Alaskan cruise, help Primal move to Alaska. Point is, just do anything to get your head in a better place. Won't do you any good to cover the same old ground a second time.
 

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If she don't want to be with you, you are better off without her. That'd about all I have to say. Sorry for your pain brother!
 

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2TN is right.stay busy!iv'e been there and done that.it took a quick minute to heal,but i promise
you,you will be fine.it's just going to take some time.for me i did whatever i could.after work hang
with friend's and go fishing even hooking up with other chicks helped.that helped me the most being
fishing kinda let me think too much but when your trying to get with a chick it take's quite a bit of
everything.from my view you're allready fine but just need to get past the pain.i know it sux and it
wont go away over a night but i promise yuo it will go away and sooner or later you'll be more happier
than you ever were.so stay strong bro and get with the guys as much as possible.
 

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Man all I can say is find better council than you are going to get here. Not that any one has given you bad advice but better is out there. Get emotional and LEGAL advise quickly.
 

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Lawyer up before you have to pay her alimony... since you kinda did provide for her lifestyle for those 5 years... how will she ever be able to keep herself up?

LAWYER UP!
 

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Best suggestion I can give you is to find some kind of distraction to stop thinking about it. Play a video game, get hooked on a tv show, read some novels something that will take your mind off it but not get you into trouble.
 

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And get off your friend's back...he has to take care of things with his wife before he takes care of you...so don't put him in that situation.
On the other hand, if his wife is still friends with your ex...maybe she's worth about as much as yours was, and he needs to do as you suggested??

Anyway, sorry to hear you got shafted by that wench, and as they say..get a lawyer!
 

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Rule 1: LAWYER UP!

Rule 2: Double check to make sure you followed rule 1

Rule 3: Buy an expensive gun or car, or TV, or whatever you wanted to buy but could'nt 'cause she used up all your cash

Rule 4: Spend lots of time at the range

Rule 5 : Don't talk about fight club
 

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now is the time to get in shape... thats what i did. in between break ups i was in the best shape of my life. lift weights. run miles. run harder, lift harder, run faster lift faster.


see how many times you can think about an x when you are trying to do sets of 12 with 225 lbs on a bench press. you will probably be thinking more about not pooping yourself. ha. seriously it works. and its a chance to get away from the "usual" and meet new people


pick up boxing. relatively fun. its hard to learn for a while. i think its the single best thing you can do to forget about x's... excersize that is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks for the support guys, as far as a lawyer, the paperwork is already filed and served, so I don't know what else I'd need a lawyer for. Luckily there is no kids and no property to fight over, and she has no job, no money at all so I don't think she could fight even if there was something to fight over. Whenever we had any legal issues to work out, I was the one to do it cause she just didn't understand the legal system, or much else for that matter.....the lawyer who told me how to go through the process told me if I wanted him to do it, it was going to cost $1500 for a retainer, then $250/hr for going to court or anything else he had to do. Told him thanks, but no thanks, and just did this all myself. Trial date is Jan 2010, so it's a ways off still.

As far as keeping busy, I have been trying to do so, moved out in the sticks though so I'm a ways away from all my old friends and people I know. Went out to the local bar and made quite a few new ones though; got paid today so I think I'm going to swing by after work and spend some quality time with the old bottle and some good people. As far as spending money, I just got a camper at one heck of a steal, been wanting one for some time, so I'm set for hunting and camping; need to fix a small leak but nothing major, everything else works. Thinking about finally getting a LCD TV and/or an XBOX 360; Christmas is coming up quick and then my b-day is in Feb, so I've got some ideas for my own gifts to me. :p

Hardest part is being home in the evenings and having nobody else there, so trying to stay busy like you guys are saying......my success varies from day to day. Staying sane is a ongoing process.......got into a game called "DarkSpace" again; it's a online multiplayer but in space and is more strategy/shooter oriented. Not so much into the dungeons and dragons stuff. Also starting to get back into Team Fortress 2, so if anyone is on Steam, hit me up (compmanio36). Thinking about buying Modern Warfare 2, beat #1 several times over and still love that game. :p

Thanks again guys for your suggestions and helping a brother get through some tough times.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
ajole, his wife is the one who enabled her to pull this stunt by giving her a place to stay in his house without consulting with him first....I understand he's gotta confront her and such, but if the situation were reversed, there is NO way I would just sit there and take this lying down. Sounds like she wears the pants in his family.

R1100, I've been losing weight like crazy, haven't even really been trying to work out, just been doing so much and with moving I've lost at least 30 pounds in the last 2 months......now if I really start working out should build muscle mass like crazy, no? Just keeping busy and running around has done a lot to help me get in better shape, and not sitting at home in front of the TV or PC snacking.

MeeBit, I see you are in WA, not sure if you are on this side of the mountains or not. If you don't want to broadcast it on open forum, hit me up with a PM, maybe we can get a HPFF WA shoot put together at some point, go out in the hills, camp, whatever. That would be pretty freaking sweet if you ask me; I know there are a couple other guys from WA on here, and I could invite some people from OCDO as well.
 

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ajole, his wife is the one who enabled her to pull this stunt by giving her a place to stay in his house without consulting with him first....I understand he's gotta confront her and such, but if the situation were reversed, there is NO way I would just sit there and take this lying down. Sounds like she wears the pants in his family.

R1100, I've been losing weight like crazy, haven't even really been trying to work out, just been doing so much and with moving I've lost at least 30 pounds in the last 2 months......now if I really start working out should build muscle mass like crazy, no? Just keeping busy and running around has done a lot to help me get in better shape, and not sitting at home in front of the TV or PC snacking.

MeeBit, I see you are in WA, not sure if you are on this side of the mountains or not. If you don't want to broadcast it on open forum, hit me up with a PM, maybe we can get a HPFF WA shoot put together at some point, go out in the hills, camp, whatever. That would be pretty freaking sweet if you ask me; I know there are a couple other guys from WA on here, and I could invite some people from OCDO as well.
just make sure that the way you are losing weight is HEALTHY. i know you are depressed, just physically exert yourself, thats what i always do. i still do it (although i'm in another relationship). i'm just trying to stay healthy this time.
 

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Comp,
We're still thinking about you guy. Sounds like you decided to go the self done route with the legal stuff? If so , may I suggest going to divorce court one day before your scheduled appearance. It will be a load of help to you. I saw several folks going the self divorce route when I was there way back when. They'd filed the paperwork but had no clue as to how to answer the judges questions. They were denied and it just prolonged their ordeal. Investing a 1/2 day observing will save you lots of grief later.
 

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ajole, his wife is the one who enabled her to pull this stunt by giving her a place to stay in his house without consulting with him first....I understand he's gotta confront her and such, but if the situation were reversed, there is NO way I would just sit there and take this lying down. Sounds like she wears the pants in his family.
I hear ya man, but that is his family, and he has to do right by that. Personally, I agree with you, I'd be setting that issue straight on day 1, and she'd be going back to mama, or whatever got her OUT of my house and family...
But he apparently isn't like you and me.
Sounds like you are doing what you can to make things work. Stay strong man. It does get better, I've been there too. My second try has lasted 22 years so far.
 

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Comp,
We're still thinking about you guy. Sounds like you decided to go the self done route with the legal stuff? If so , may I suggest going to divorce court one day before your scheduled appearance. It will be a load of help to you. I saw several folks going the self divorce route when I was there way back when. They'd filed the paperwork but had no clue as to how to answer the judges questions. They were denied and it just prolonged their ordeal. Investing a 1/2 day observing will save you lots of grief later.
That's a pretty good plan there^^^

Used to live in WA myself. Tri-Cities on this side and Federal Way on the other, of course a few other places in between. Just don't let it eat ya up buddy...stuff like that can eat ya up from the inside and leave you feeling hollow for a while. Just remember that most storms blow over and tho it may take some time, one day, it will be sunny again. Good Luck...Keep your Chin up and your Head Down.

-JJ

P.S. My Brother Inlaw was hit by a suicide bomber in Iraq and it blew him and his group up. Female suicide bomber and it killed some of his buddies and his men. Long story short... now he goes all over the country talking to other Vet's in the hospitals to tell them if he made it thru so can they.
 

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ajole, his wife is the one who enabled her to pull this stunt by giving her a place to stay in his house without consulting with him first....I understand he's gotta confront her and such, but if the situation were reversed, there is NO way I would just sit there and take this lying down. Sounds like she wears the pants in his family.

R1100, I've been losing weight like crazy, haven't even really been trying to work out, just been doing so much and with moving I've lost at least 30 pounds in the last 2 months......now if I really start working out should build muscle mass like crazy, no? Just keeping busy and running around has done a lot to help me get in better shape, and not sitting at home in front of the TV or PC snacking.

MeeBit, I see you are in WA, not sure if you are on this side of the mountains or not. If you don't want to broadcast it on open forum, hit me up with a PM, maybe we can get a HPFF WA shoot put together at some point, go out in the hills, camp, whatever. That would be pretty freaking sweet if you ask me; I know there are a couple other guys from WA on here, and I could invite some people from OCDO as well.
I actually live in Pierce co. like you, that's all I care to say for public consumption (PM inbound).

An HPFF camping/shooting/drinking (in that order) trip sounds awesome. Let me know, or perhaps we should start a thread to get all the WA folks in?

Stay strong.

MeeBster out.

P.S. Maybe we can get some mild offroading in? My Jeep is always complaining that we don't offroad enough.
 

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I feel for ya man, sometimes I wonder why I even wana get married anymore, that I'm best off just jumping from woman to woman and just dating. Why buy the cow if their giving up the milk you know? Hey it sounds crude but I'm just being honest... don't want guys being whores then don't give it up so easy ladies, any guy you meet will respect you more if he trully likes you... I'm just going off on a tangent anyhow... but anyhow i've been there, it was afew years ago and it don't hurt as much but I'll tell you I've become much more of a hard ass cause of it. Take that for what you will but I still find it hard to love anyone anymore to be honest, there can be good and bad in that... i'm just relaying my own experience. Idk man it just seems I hear of more guys who get the shaft from some tramp then stories of happy couples you know?
 

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I guess I have been slandered as I am the nice guy and some can't stand that fact and try to throw dirt on me.
 
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