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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From an e-mail I recieved...



This is why women should not take men shopping against their will..

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out..

Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:


Dear Mrs. Chapman,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. Chapman are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using diff erent sizes of funnels.

13. October 9: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 14: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ..

15. October 16: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
 

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15. October 16: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Here ya go


A brand new roll just for YOU!!
 

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I have a permanent ban on me from my hometown walmart! Best friend and I first plaid tow truck with a tricycle, jumprope, skateboard, and pin wheels. Afew minutes later I threw a hail mary with a nerf football and proceded to tackle my buddy into the verticle bungee corded rack of giant rubber balls! In our defense..... well I guess being hammered isnt a defense.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
ROTFLMFAO!!!


Billy, you take the cake on that one. The last time I was hammered in Wal-Mart, me and my buddy were looking for microwave popcorn. We went into the grocery aisles and split in down the middle, he went one way, I went the other. The idea was to holler at the other guy when we found it... I found it, and being the "loud" person I was, they heard me all the way back in Sporting Goods... Good times.
 

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That is hilarious. I usually put really weird things in our buggy just to see the ol' ladies expression when she pulls them out. Like I'll sneak some condoms, astroglide, and whipped cream or something really stupid in there like Depends. I think the most embarrassed she ever got is when we were in the line and I cut one and left her with it. In a real sweet voice I was like, baby i gotta go to the restroom, do you mind watching the buggy til I get back? When I did get back she was TICKED!
 
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