Dead Duck

Discussion in 'Vintage Topic Archive (Sept - 2009)' started by azhipoint, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. azhipoint

    azhipoint Member

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck Cuddles has passed away."
    The distressed owner wailed," Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead" he replied.
    "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out the exam room and returned a few moments later with a cat.
    The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is a most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck. Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
    "$150" she cried, $150.00 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry, if you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat
    Scan, it's now $150.00."

  2. I'll just be stealing that one to tell at work. :twisted:

    Very funny!
  3. Mumbles

    Mumbles Guest

    My wife really laughed at this one. Gave me the greatest opportunity to say "SEE, me reading this forum IS worthwhile" :lol: :lol: :lol:
  4. I heard a different one with the cat scan one when I was a kid, but this one is much better with the lab work. Wife will get a kick outta this one.
  5. I'm sending this to my doctor.
  6. minidriver

    minidriver Member

    This reminds me of something that happened to me a few weeks ago.

    I was driving to a meeting for work and was running late,,,, so I was driving a bit fast. My phone rang and I dug it out of my pocket and tried to answer it. But,,,, I was too late and I saw from the number that it was my boss, no doubt wondering where I was. I pickup the pace a bit more and really start driving like a nutjob. As I approach a traffic light I am sure i will make it. But the light changes really quickly and the douche-bag in front of me slams on his brakes. SO,,,,,, of course,,,,,,,, I end up plowing right into the back of his Mercedes. Once I realize what has happened,, I get out of the car,, kinda shaken up. I am cussing under my breath as I start to approach the other car. As I get closer the other driver gets out and I'll be damned if he wasn't a DWARF! A little tiny guy. He kinda hobbles over to me, looks at his car,,,,, looks at mine,,,,, then looks up to me and says in a rather pissed off tone, "I am not HAPPY!"

    I look down and him and without even thinking I respond, "Well then,, which one are you?"
  7. steyraug223

    steyraug223 Guest

    wow thats evil... but funny so it fits the criteria.

    Edited by PrimalSeal. Sorry, not appropriate.