Definitions of the Obvious

Discussion in 'Vintage Topic Archive (Sept - 2009)' started by dosanti, Apr 11, 2008.

  1. Just trying to redeem myself...

    Definitions of the Obvious

    ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
    ABSENTEE: A missing golfing accessory.
    ACOUSTIC: An instrument used in shooting pool.
    ACCRUE: People who work on a ship.
    ADAMANT: The very first Insect.
    ADORABLE: What you ring when you go visiting.
    ALARMS: What an octopus is.
    ALIMONY: The High Cost of Leaving.
    ALIMONY: The Fee A Woman Charges For Name-Dropping.
    ANTIDOTE: The reason Mom's Sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you.
    ANTELOPE: Why Grandpa won't forgive Uncle!
    ANTISOCIAL: Mother's sister being friendly.
    ANTE MEREDIEM: Thats'a why he's my Uncle.
    ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's.
    ARCHAEOLOGIST: A man whose career lies in ruins.
    ARTERY: Study of paintings.
    ASPIRE: Where dead donkeys are cremated.
    ATLAS: Finally
    AUSTRALIAN KISS: Same as French Kiss, ... only down under!
    AVAIL: Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly.
    AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.
    BACTERIA: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.
    BARIUM: What doctors do when treatment fails.
    BIOLOGY: Study of shopping habits.
    BIPLANE: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear.
    BOYCOTT: His crib.... not hers!
    BRIDGE: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband's bidding
    BROADBAND: An all girl musical group.
    BRUISE LEE: Inept martial-arts student.
    BUDGET: An attempt to live below your yearnings.
    BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
    CAESAREAN SECTION: District in Rome.
    CANTALOUPE: Got to get married in Church.
    CARNATION: Country where everybody has a four wheeler.
    CARAMEL: A motorized camel!
    CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her.
    CHOOSY BLONDE: One for whom a Tom or a Harry won't do !
    CIRCUMVENT: The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
    CISTERN: Opposite of brothern.
    CLIMATE: The only thing you can do with a ladder.
    COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.
    CIONSIDE: What most people do when it rains.
    CONSCIENCE: The thing which hurts when everything else feels good.
    CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
    COUNTERFEITER: Worker who puts together kitchen cabinets.
    CROSS-EYED TEACHER: A teacher that loses control over her pupils.
    CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink.
    DAMNATION: Beaver country.
    DANCE: Vertical expression of a horizontal idea.
    DARE: Not here.
    DEBUT: De part of the body you must park to be seated.
    DECAGON: De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
    DECAY: De letter which comes after de J.
    DECLINE: Nudists in formation.
    DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket.
    DEPTH: Height turned upside down.
    DILATE: To live long.
    DISGUISE: Such pains. Always troubling dismisses.
    DINOSAUR: How a giant lizard feels after a tough workout.
    DISNEYLAND: A people trap operated by a mouse.
    DOGMA: Affectionate parent of the little s.o.b.
    DOGMATIC: Run by canine power.
    DONKEY: Instrument to get you into the godfather's house
    ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
    ECONOMIST: A person who knows more about money than people who have it.
    EJACULATE (e-jac-u-late): Jill greeting her boyfriend and informing him he's been tardy again.
    ENEMA: Not a friend.
    EYEDROPPER: A clumsy opthalmologist.
    FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
    FIBULA: A small lie.
    FICTION: The story told by a completed Income Tax Form !
    FINITE: Sir Lancelot.
    FLATULENCE: The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
    FOBIA: The fear of misspelled words.
    FORUM: In favor of drinking Bacardi.
    GARGOYLE: An olive flavored mouthwash.
    GINGER ALE: A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep.
    GOLD-DIGGER: A sweet young girl with the gift of the grab!
    HABITUATE: Disgusting Mannerisms.... Smoking for example.
    HANGING: A suspended sentence.
    HATCHET: What a hen does to an egg.
    HEROES: What a guy in a canoe does.
    HUMBUG: A singing cockroach.
    ILLEGAL: A sick bird.
    IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
    INFANTRY: A sapling.
    INFORMATION: How ducks are supposed to fly!
    INKLING: A baby fountain pen!
    INTENSE: Where campers sleep.
    JOKEY: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth.
    KIDNEY: Midpoint of a child's leg.
    LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
    LOCOMOTIVE: A crazy reason.
    LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.
    MISTY: How golfers create divots.
    MORBID: Higher offer
    MUCUS: A cat swear word.
    MUNCHKIN: What cannibals do to relatives.
    NITRATE: Cheaper than day rate.
    NODE: Was aware of.
    OUTPATIENT: Person who has fainted after seeing a Doctor's bill.
    OYSTER: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
    PARADOX: Two physicians.
    PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
    PARKING LOT: A place where arguments start from scratch.
    PECAN: A container to urinate in.
    PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
    POLARIZE: What penguins see with.
    POLYGON: Who left the cage door open?
    POST OPERATIVE: Letter carrier.
    POTASH: All that's left after you smoke the joint.
    PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
    PROTEIN: Favoring young people.
    PSYCHO-CERAMICS: The study of crackpots.
    RAMPAGE: Section of a book about male sheep.
    RATIFY: To use a spell and turn a person into a rodent.
    REALM: To be charitable ... once again!
    REBEL: What you have to do when kids don't come to class when first called.
    RECOUNT: Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans.
    RECOVERY ROOM: Place to do upholstery.
    RECTANGLE: What the fisherman was left with after his brush with Moby Dick.
    RECTITUDE: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
    RECTUM: It almost killed him.
    REDUCE: A messed up point in Tennis, when you were on 'Advantage'.
    REGATTA: Where the drunkard found himself tonight ... again!
    RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.
    RENDER: The Animals that draw Santa's carriage.
    ROMAN: What you need to do to win the Regatta.
    RUBBERNECK: What tou can do to relax your wife.
    SAUNA BATH: A slimming pool.
    SEAMSTRESS: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
    SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
    SUBDUED: A guy that works on submarines.
    TERMINAL ILLNESS: Sickness at an airport.
    TESTICLE: A humorous question on an exam.
    TREASON: What the acorn is to the oak.
    TUMOR: An extra pair.
    URINE: Opposite of "you're out"!
    VARICOSE: Located nearby.
    WHOLESOME: The only thing from which you can take the whole and still have some left.
    WISE-CRACK: A comedian with a PHD.
    YANKEE: The same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself!
    ZEBRA: Ze cloth which covers ze breasts!

    :oops:
     
  2. Flippin' Sweet. These are hilarious.
     

  3. p7196

    p7196 Guest

    funny I likey.