Just trying to redeem myself... Definitions of the Obvious ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ABSENTEE: A missing golfing accessory. ACOUSTIC: An instrument used in shooting pool. ACCRUE: People who work on a ship. ADAMANT: The very first Insect. ADORABLE: What you ring when you go visiting. ALARMS: What an octopus is. ALIMONY: The High Cost of Leaving. ALIMONY: The Fee A Woman Charges For Name-Dropping. ANTIDOTE: The reason Mom's Sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you. ANTELOPE: Why Grandpa won't forgive Uncle! ANTISOCIAL: Mother's sister being friendly. ANTE MEREDIEM: Thats'a why he's my Uncle. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's. ARCHAEOLOGIST: A man whose career lies in ruins. ARTERY: Study of paintings. ASPIRE: Where dead donkeys are cremated. ATLAS: Finally AUSTRALIAN KISS: Same as French Kiss, ... only down under! AVAIL: Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do. BACTERIA: The rear entrance to a cafeteria. BARIUM: What doctors do when treatment fails. BIOLOGY: Study of shopping habits. BIPLANE: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear. BOYCOTT: His crib.... not hers! BRIDGE: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband's bidding BROADBAND: An all girl musical group. BRUISE LEE: Inept martial-arts student. BUDGET: An attempt to live below your yearnings. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. CAESAREAN SECTION: District in Rome. CANTALOUPE: Got to get married in Church. CARNATION: Country where everybody has a four wheeler. CARAMEL: A motorized camel! CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her. CHOOSY BLONDE: One for whom a Tom or a Harry won't do ! CIRCUMVENT: The opening in the front of boxer shorts. CISTERN: Opposite of brothern. CLIMATE: The only thing you can do with a ladder. COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon. CIONSIDE: What most people do when it rains. CONSCIENCE: The thing which hurts when everything else feels good. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate. COUNTERFEITER: Worker who puts together kitchen cabinets. CROSS-EYED TEACHER: A teacher that loses control over her pupils. CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink. DAMNATION: Beaver country. DANCE: Vertical expression of a horizontal idea. DARE: Not here. DEBUT: De part of the body you must park to be seated. DECAGON: De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident. DECAY: De letter which comes after de J. DECLINE: Nudists in formation. DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket. DEPTH: Height turned upside down. DILATE: To live long. DISGUISE: Such pains. Always troubling dismisses. DINOSAUR: How a giant lizard feels after a tough workout. DISNEYLAND: A people trap operated by a mouse. DOGMA: Affectionate parent of the little s.o.b. DOGMATIC: Run by canine power. DONKEY: Instrument to get you into the godfather's house ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living. ECONOMIST: A person who knows more about money than people who have it. EJACULATE (e-jac-u-late): Jill greeting her boyfriend and informing him he's been tardy again. ENEMA: Not a friend. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy opthalmologist. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FIBULA: A small lie. FICTION: The story told by a completed Income Tax Form ! FINITE: Sir Lancelot. FLATULENCE: The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. FOBIA: The fear of misspelled words. FORUM: In favor of drinking Bacardi. GARGOYLE: An olive flavored mouthwash. GINGER ALE: A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep. GOLD-DIGGER: A sweet young girl with the gift of the grab! HABITUATE: Disgusting Mannerisms.... Smoking for example. HANGING: A suspended sentence. HATCHET: What a hen does to an egg. HEROES: What a guy in a canoe does. HUMBUG: A singing cockroach. ILLEGAL: A sick bird. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INFANTRY: A sapling. INFORMATION: How ducks are supposed to fly! INKLING: A baby fountain pen! INTENSE: Where campers sleep. JOKEY: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth. KIDNEY: Midpoint of a child's leg. LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. LOCOMOTIVE: A crazy reason. LYMPH: To walk with a lisp. MISTY: How golfers create divots. MORBID: Higher offer MUCUS: A cat swear word. MUNCHKIN: What cannibals do to relatives. NITRATE: Cheaper than day rate. NODE: Was aware of. OUTPATIENT: Person who has fainted after seeing a Doctor's bill. OYSTER: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. PARADOX: Two physicians. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. PARKING LOT: A place where arguments start from scratch. PECAN: A container to urinate in. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm. POLARIZE: What penguins see with. POLYGON: Who left the cage door open? POST OPERATIVE: Letter carrier. POTASH: All that's left after you smoke the joint. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. PROTEIN: Favoring young people. PSYCHO-CERAMICS: The study of crackpots. RAMPAGE: Section of a book about male sheep. RATIFY: To use a spell and turn a person into a rodent. REALM: To be charitable ... once again! REBEL: What you have to do when kids don't come to class when first called. RECOUNT: Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans. RECOVERY ROOM: Place to do upholstery. RECTANGLE: What the fisherman was left with after his brush with Moby Dick. RECTITUDE: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. RECTUM: It almost killed him. REDUCE: A messed up point in Tennis, when you were on 'Advantage'. REGATTA: Where the drunkard found himself tonight ... again! RELIEF: What trees do in the spring. RENDER: The Animals that draw Santa's carriage. ROMAN: What you need to do to win the Regatta. RUBBERNECK: What tou can do to relax your wife. SAUNA BATH: A slimming pool. SEAMSTRESS: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does. SUBDUED: A guy that works on submarines. TERMINAL ILLNESS: Sickness at an airport. TESTICLE: A humorous question on an exam. TREASON: What the acorn is to the oak. TUMOR: An extra pair. URINE: Opposite of "you're out"! VARICOSE: Located nearby. WHOLESOME: The only thing from which you can take the whole and still have some left. WISE-CRACK: A comedian with a PHD. YANKEE: The same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself! ZEBRA: Ze cloth which covers ze breasts!