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Discussion in 'HPFF Comedy' started by Rerun, Aug 4, 2015.
Opinion with out 3.14 is just an Onion...
3.14? I'll take apple.
I have a shirt with a Pi symbol, wearing a sash that says Miss America.
And one similar to this...
Is this a cow 3.14...?
Yeah. I think it's all round steak, though.
New engineer: "How do You estimate how long a project will take?"
Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for every task, then multiply the sum by 3.14."
NE: "Why 3.14?"
SE: "It ensures all my budgets are irrational."
Q: What did the engineer say when he got shocked?
A: "That hertz!"
At least it didn't mega hertz.
Q: What's the difference between and introverted and an extroverted engineer?
A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes while he is talking to You and,
an extroverted engineer looks at Your shoes while he is talking to You.
What do engineers use for birth control?
An artist, an architect, and an engineer were at the bar discussing the relative values and enjoyment of mistresses and wives.
The artists decided, 'I would much rather have my mistress! It is always exciting and a little bit naughty and different.'
The architect said, 'I much prefer my wife. I like the stability and certainty.'
The engineer said, 'I like to have both. That way, my wife can think I'm with my mistress, my mistress can think I'm with my wife, and I can get back to the plant to get some work done.'
Great stuff, ajole!
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess!"
He bent over,picked up the frog and put it into his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll stay with you for a whole week and do ANYTHING you want!"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
The frog asked, "What is the matter? i'm a beautiful princess and, I'll stay with you for one week and, do ANYTHING that you want! Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket and said to it, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend but, a talking frog? That's cool!"
And, puts the frog back into his pocket.
Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bicycle.
He asked,"Where'd You get such a wonderful bike?"
The other replied, "At the park. A blonde rode up to me, threw the bike onto the ground, removed all her clothes and told me to take whatever I wanted!"
The first student said, "Good call! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit You!"
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
Three Statute miles of intra-venous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: One I.V. League
Not 1 Decision
When I worked as a construction field engineer one of my favorite sayings was "yesterday I couldn't even spell engineer, today I are one".
Just as a side note....my dad was a civil engineer in the Forest Service, designed and built roads, but he never went to college, just worked his way up from a seasonal survey crew. He retired as a GS9, they hire college grads as a GS7.
And one of my neighbors' kids, that I taught in HS, is on an internship this summer with NASA, he's working on a Mechanical Engineering degree, and his most recent area of study is a metal wire that will return to a pre-determined shape by just applying some heat.
I didn't teach him the higher level stuff, but he did tell me he appreciated how I worked with him on how to relate to those who weren't as...shall we say, single minded...as he was. He could be a bully magnet for a while, he was, actually, the smartest guy in the room, and sometimes he'd make a point of it, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong times, to the wrong people.
There are three members of my family who have engineering degrees, two from Texas A&M and one from someplace in Alaska.
I learned how to poke fun at folk from these three.
I still look up to them (usually because they are up high in a building, on a bridge, or flying in a helo checking pipelines).