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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
post em'. (ive heard all of these in real life)

hes more nervous than a cat in a roomfull of rockin' chairs
that things hotter than a caddy in the ghetto
thats harder than a woodpeckers lips
hes' more crooked than a rattlesnake with scoliosis
thats wetter than a duck with no feathers
its dryer than a popcorn fart

SW
 

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he's got more excuses than carter's has pills

it's colders than a witch's *** in a brass brasierre

he's slow as molasses

as nervous as a chicken in the Col's henhouse

he hasn't seen the ball since the kickoff

makes as much sense as a screendoor on a submarine

it's colder than a well diggers a**

I think these might be expressions or colloquialism though, but thats the ones I know off the top of my head

Edit to add 2 more I just remembered, used to use them alot :)

if brains were dynamite , you couldn't blow your nose

if they took your brain and shoved it up a gnat's a** , it would look like a bb in a boxcar
 

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a guy once said to me:
"Hotter than a goat with 2 pec%^rs" when describing the breaker panel he was workin on,,
dont know about no goats but did understand that the hot 3 phase bus in that box would have ruined my whole day if i'd touched it
 

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It's so cold it'd freeze the balls of a brass monkey.


I only remember that one as it was just posted the other day in another thread. I'll have more tomorrow when "my brain is braining" like Mason said.
 

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Pee like a Russian race horse

And the one I use all the time...I've got to go utilize the euphamism...I think I got that off a Dr Suess thing...?
 

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While playing Euchre I'm sitting blacker than Harlem... (just a joke)
I'm guessing "spades" are trump? Interesting side note..out here in wyoming..they don't know euchre..I miss that game
 

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I miss Eucher too. It's what we used to do in Detroit when the folks said we were supposed to be doing something constructive.

Deader than a sh**bug under a steamroller.
Busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Prettier tha a speckled pup under a red wagon.
(She's) hot enough to fry eggs on her a**.

and my new one: Uglier than a C-9.
 

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My personal favorite. Slicker than greazed owl shit (you have to say it greazed)
And I heard this one the other night while listening to a high school football game, the color commontater said that play was "smoother than Conway Twitty"
 

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Shaking like a dog sh***ing a log chain and dreading the hook.
Grinning like a mule eating briars.
Sweating like a whore in church.
Jumping around like his head was on fire and his a** was catching.
Hot as 6 feet up a red bulls a**
Dumb as a post
So ugly she'd make a train take a dirt road.

I got a million of them.
 

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Dumb as a box of rocks
Sweatin' like a preacher in a cat house.
 
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