Jaded

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by slade601, Mar 27, 2015.

  1. slade601

    slade601 Member

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    Been working the bar for a little over a year now. I'll say I'm a bit embarrassed from the thread I made then. I said I'd be working near a lot of homeless and crackheads and man did I underestimate that. Had a few confrontations with some but nothing too major. I've had so many lie and try to con their way into something I now just turn them around before they can get a word out. But had a brand new guy just come up telling me his story. Dressed decent, tells me he's now homeless due to problems with his wife. Tells me he doesn't do drugs or drink because of the medicine he's on. Asks for any little bit just to get something to eat.

    I don't know but the way this guy carried himself and spoke just seemed genuine so I threw a few dollars and a cigarette his way. I just hate to see decent people land in a bad situation and the regular winos being out here making it worse. I hate to say its but it's been so hard not to become jaded and a little careless to most situations now. Especially when I've had one literally offer me crack rock to get in because he didn't have money.

    Just needed to vent..
     
  2. bluharley

    bluharley Member


    There are more decent folk than you know out there. I was a test engineer on a missile defense project, and 2 years later I was living in my truck, and I was a lucky one to have a truck.
     

  3. slade601

    slade601 Member

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    I once had one come up and try to start breaking some things down with me at the end of the night. He asks for five, I told him I'm here working to feed my child so i couldn't spare any. He then proceeds to tell me he's got kids he has to feed too after he sat outside across the street until 5am asking customers for money and beer and acting a fool. It's the ones like that which make it so hard to give a damn sometimes. But I do understand some aren't addicted and psycho, it's just so rare it seems now.
     
  4. bluharley

    bluharley Member

    I didn't bum when I was homeless. What pisses me off is when I see some clown on tv says he's made as much as $300 in a day! Who's giving them that kind of money? All I've ever given a homeless person was a slice of my pizza. I can't stand the bums either, and many times it's hard to tell them apart.
     
  5. slade601

    slade601 Member

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    I've seen some give one of the worst ones down here $40 and then ***** at me because they didn't want to have to pay a cover charge. The guy they gave money to is one we've gotten physical with multiple times yet he still returns nightly. And was just released for breaking into cars for about the fifth time.
     
  6. slade601

    slade601 Member

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    The first two weeks I started I was so sympathetic, and tried to hand out what I could. I had to cut that out fast! There's nights we'll get them a beer and a hot dog and send them on but then they take that kindness for a weakness and just leave this awful taste in your mouth.
     
  7. colthrash

    colthrash Member

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    you just got to do what you feel is right. when you look yourself in the mirror and can say "I did the right thing."
     
  8. bscar

    bscar Supporting Member

    Begging for change can get pretty lucrative, just gotta have a place to store all that change after your cup gets filled so many times.
     
  9. MaryB

    MaryB Supporting Member

    Better to give and not judge than to judge and not give!
     
  10. Dragonbreath

    Dragonbreath Member

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    A couple of weeks back, I pulled up at a stoplight that had a guy holding a 'homeless please help' sign. While I am sitting there, I hear a cell phone ring. The 'homeless' guy reaches in his pocket and pulls out a galaxy note 4. I lolled and he quickly realized what he had done and put it away.
     
  11. Think1st

    Think1st Supporting Member

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    I lived in a coastal town in central Kaliforniastan for a few years, and it was infested with panhandlers. They were well behaved, though, because the police and they had an agreement that if they were passive in their begging and cooperated with any police demands, then they could stay around. After awhile, it became obvious that they were the same ones on the same few corners, and they were not very destitute looking. It was obvious that none of them were sleeping on the street. They had a prosperous little enterprise going on, there. They represent what panhandlers are.

    Look, the park rangers don't want people feeding wildlife because they'll become dependent on handouts. Why doesn't society feel the same way about their fellow men?

    Quite frankly, when some ne'rdowell decides to walk up and ask for spare change, giving him some is the easy thing to do. But is it the right thing to do? The right (and harder) thing to do is to refuse him and encourage him to do something that will bring him more self respect. If he doesn't like it--to hell with him! At least you can know that you did the right thing and didn't help enable his self-destructive lifestyle.
     
  12. lklawson

    lklawson Staff Member

    Life can go pear-shaped pretty darn fast.

    Peace favor your sword,
    Kirk
     
  13. lklawson

    lklawson Staff Member

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_with_the_Twisted_Lip

    Not exactly a new phenomenon. :(

    Peace favor your sword,
    Kirk
     
  14. lklawson

    lklawson Staff Member

    Look, humans can be pretty easily manipulated if you know how. All of us. Me, you, everyone. It's how grifters and con-men work.

    These little tricks of psychology, however, are like Life Hacks or sort of real life video game Cheat Codes. If you know how to use them, you can make life work for you more often than it normally does. Successful people, not just criminals, take advantage of these.

    Everyone knows that successful sales men use these little psychological tricks. Sometimes they're just a "natural" but more often than not, now, they have special training. For instance, successful car salesmen tend to be quite deferential to prospective buyers. This makes them feel powerful and like they're in control.

    But it's not just sales men either. You and I can benefit. One common piece of advice to people job interviewing is to "mimic" the mannerisms, facial expressions, body language, and hand gestures of the person interviewing them. If he leans forward, you lean forward. He smiles, you smile. Everyone "likes" it when the other guy is like him.

    It's also applicable to negotiating deals, both in business and in politics. Everyone says that both Trump and Soros are, personally, gregarious and pleasantly energetic people who you want to be around. This isn't coincidence.

    Heck, I did sorta the same thing just yesterday. My son's X-Box 360 suddenly went on the blink, wouldn't display to the screen, and I didn't know if it was the Video Controller (expensive) or just the video cable. So I swung by Game Stop, cable in hand, on my way home from teaching Bowie Knife at S.W.O.R.D. They were a little busy but not too bad, maybe 6 or 8 customers, most of 'em in line already. A young lady came up to me and asked if I needed anything. Well, "Yes," I replied. "My sons X Box 360 just stopped displaying video and I'm not sure why. You folks are always so helpful and knowledgeable that I'm certain you can help me figure it out." This immediately accomplished two things. First, mentioning that it was for my son and not me, made her sympathetic. Second, I established a high bar for helpfulness which she wants to meet and exceed. The nice young lady immediately thanked me for the complement and then confided that they had just gotten in a 360 which they were testing in the back and she'd be happy to test my cable on it to determine if that was the problem. This was, honestly, over and above what they normally have to do and way faster accomplished than normally would happen. When the cable failed the test, she then immediately retrieved one of their new in-house cables to verify against my apparently defective one. It worked and I purchased it. I continued to praise her, telling her that "once again" they had "pulled a rabbit out of the hat."

    And I'm just as susceptible to this as any one else. I'm still human and have the same "Cheat Codes" as every other human. Stroke my ego in the right way and you could probably convince me to assassinate your worst enemy and I'd think it was my idea so talking me into buying a TV or a sports car is, typically, a pretty easy thing in comparison. ;)

    The real question is, bluntly, for people who know how to use these "human Cheat Codes," how; do you use them "ethically" or are you a con man, pan-handler, or grifter?

    Peace favor your sword,
    Kirk
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2015
  15. Think1st

    Think1st Supporting Member

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    Using basic human psychology isn't manipulative. It's basically treating people how you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes. People enjoy it when others praise their abilities and defer to them. If that just happens to result in some extra service in an establishment, then it is a win-win because you got what you wanted, and the employee had a few minutes-worth of pleasantness that s/he may not have otherwise enjoyed during that duty shift.

    That is not unethical. In fact, if a grifter uses those techniques, it is not unethical, although being a grifter is, itself, unethical. On the other hand, allowing oneself to be cajoled into handing $5 to some substance-abusing layabout is unethical.
     
  16. lklawson

    lklawson Staff Member

    Pretty much, yeah. :)

    Peace favor your sword,
    Kirk
     
  17. bscar

    bscar Supporting Member

    Would it be moral/ethical to tell the grifter that you'd love to help them out and give a couple bucks, but all you have is a $20/$50 bill, and ask if they could make change. Then, if they break out a wad of bills to make change, tell them if they got that, they don't need your handout
     
  18. slade601

    slade601 Member

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    Ha. Knowing the extremely regular ones around they'll straight up tell you they'll bring your change back when they're done. I've had one ask for my lighter, he needed to smoke a joint someone gave him and he'd bring it right back. His words...