Ladies Beware - The Chauvinist Zone

Discussion in 'HPFF Comedy' started by eldarbeast, Apr 21, 2016.

  1. eldarbeast

    eldarbeast Supporting Member

    Welcome Gents, Laddies, Ne'er-do-wells and others to the Grand Opening of the bar known as The Chauvinist Zone - a place of retreat from the agonizing grind of the Politically Correct world by design of Liberals, Progressives, Democrats, Fems, and others of that ilk.

    Draw up a stool, saddle up to the bar, or seat yourself at one of the round table or six booths along the back wall and be Yourself.

    Revel Your friends with, "No shyt, there we was..." stories; spread the manure with low brow humor; relive days gone by when a fellow could walk down the road with his favourite rifle 'cross both shoulders without wondering when he was going to be accosted by the Law 'cuz some one called them.

    Let the festivities begin - the first round is on the House!

    :D

    eldar
     
  2. ajole

    ajole Supporting Member

    28,141
    1,492
    NE Utah
    How is this any different from the rest of the forum?:confused:

    ...and then I told her, gimme a sammich!
     

  3. Tribes

    Tribes Supporting Member

    330
    62
    AZ
    Woman of the house get me another beer!
    But have a catchers mit ready, ya know just in case it comes air delivery!:)
     
  4. eldarbeast

    eldarbeast Supporting Member

    20 Reasons...

    WHY IT's better to be a Guy -

    Phone conversations are over in 20 seconds
    Movie nudity is virtually always female
    You know stuff about cars/trucks
    A 5 day vacation uses only one suitcase
    Monday Night Football
    You can open your own jars
    Friends don't give you crap if you've gained weight
    Haircutters don't rob you blind
    All your orgasms are real
    You know why STRIPES is funny
    You can kill Your own food
    The garage is all yours
    You can be showered and ready in 10 minites
    Your underwear is ten dollars/pack
    You don't have to shave below your neck
    You can write your name in snow
    Chocolate is just another snack
    You don't have to cuddle up to a hairy ass
    Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you enter a room
    The world is your urinal

    eldar
     
    GunnyN and MichaelS like this.
  5. Bull

    Bull Just a Man Supporting Member

    Two guys sitting in a room together not talking, aren't mad at each other...
     
  6. FirearmFanatic

    FirearmFanatic "The Enabler!"

    Men's Rules:

    1) Men are not mind readers.

    2) Learn to work the toilet seat, you’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. You don’t hear us complaining when you leave it down.

    3) Crying is blackmail.

    4) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    5) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    6) Come to us with problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    7) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    8) If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

    9) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    10) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    11) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to during commercials.

    12) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we…

    13) All men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    14) If ask what is wrong and you say ‘Nothing’, we act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    15) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear...

    16) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.

    17) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

    18) You have enough clothes.

    19) You have too many shoes.

    20) I am in shape, round is a shape!

    21) Thank you for reading this, yes I know, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight… but did you know men don’t really mind that? It’s like camping…
     
    MichaelS likes this.
  7. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

  8. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter

    It looks like I am camping tonight.
     
  9. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter

    With two kittens. They ate asleep on me.
     
  10. eldarbeast

    eldarbeast Supporting Member

    I've been known to nuzzle (adult) kitten a time or two meself...

    ;)

    eldar
     
  11. tallbump

    tallbump Supporting Member

    Went to a teen rally last night with the teens from our church.

    The preacher was telling a story from when he was a teen....

    He ended with

    Boys are dumb and girls are evil
     
  12. HP/C9/45ACP

    HP/C9/45ACP Member

    732
    25
    Doesn't bother me if I pee on it because she didn't raise it to accommodate me. She's the one who's going to be getting a wet butt the next time she goes.
     
  13. undeRGRound

    undeRGRound ROLL wif Da MOLE! Supporting Member

    23,381
    267
    INDY
    This thread is really hitting the mark! :rofl:
     
  14. forgotenpast

    forgotenpast Member

    326
    0
    the other day the wife and i had some really good news so we went to tell my parents in person... they decided they wanted to take us out to dinner

    well we all sit down at the table and a joke a buddy of mine told me pops to mind

    "what do you call a woman with 2 black eyes?"
    my wife gets that odd look on her face meaning she doesnt want the punch line... well i dont take to well to suggestions
    "a woman that didnt listen the first time"

    my wife busts up laughing my dad got a look of shock on his face then started laughing.... my mother just about jumped the table to beet the **** out of me

    when i read "The Chauvinist Zone" all i could think was "2 black eyes"
     
  15. eldarbeast

    eldarbeast Supporting Member

    A 'caring' daughter unable take care of her aging father, placed him into a retirement home. A week later, she finally found the time to call and talk to him.

    "How is it there, dad?"

    "Fine", he said, "the rice pudding taste great, the shuffleboard game pucks slide smoothly, and the staff gives us Viagara every night."

    The next day, the daughter drives to the home, stomps into the main office and rages at the first person she sees wearing a white coat, "Is it true ya'll give the male members Viagara every night...?"

    "Yep!" replies the nurse.

    "WHY?"

    "Because it keeps them from rolling out of bed..."

    ;)

    eldar
     
  16. thundercroozer

    thundercroozer Supporting Member

    566
    131
     
  17. FirearmFanatic

    FirearmFanatic "The Enabler!"

    Nothing like a "camping trip" every now and then! :rofl:
     
  18. "I smoke old stogies I have found,short,but not too big around"-Roger Miller,King of the Road

    Enjoy the aroma Ladies.
    And slide me another Pabst Blue Ribbon down here Bartender please.



    [​IMG]
     
  19. eldarbeast

    eldarbeast Supporting Member

    Father, returning home from work, is met at the front door by his wife.
    "Your son had sex with his teacher today. He's in his room."

    Sighing, father puts his things on the hall table and walks into his son's room.
    He orders his son, "Bobby, go out to the truck Right Now!"
    The boy complies.

    As they are driving along, the father suddenly grins and yells, "What a great kid you are! You had sex with your teacher two years earlier than I did! We are going to buy you the best bicycle in town and you can ride it home showing to all your friends!"

    Bobby says, "Do you mind if we just leave it in the back of the truck?"

    "What? Why is that son?"

    "Because my butt is still sore..."

    o_O

    eldar
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2016