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1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green (unless a 70 roadrunner), orange (unless a GTO judge) or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: Pull out


We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!
 

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What is The Crying Game?
 

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What is The Crying Game?
a movie that is 112 minutes long... so that's one hour:52 minutes... what happens at One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into it?
 

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Wait, I just asked a movie guru friend of mine, and this is what he said:
"That must be when after dating the girl of his dreams for a year, they finally decide to have sex. When the man pulls down her panties, dude gets hit in the face with HER WANG!"

Why didn't he Crocodile Dundee that broad?
 

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When I wrecked my bosses truck I did not cry at all .. I was cracking up .. I mean how often does a parked car roll down a driveway right in front of you . :D
 

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You guys watched that thing???

Besides Men don't need laws, we do the right thing naturally. Like not watching any movie with "crying" in the title.
 

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Men dont use umbrellas
I use an umbrella... I hold it over my wife while she carries the baby.. because if I don't, no sex for me. Go ahead and say I'm not a man, but I will be getting laid while your stuck in the rain getting wet.
 

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Men dont use umbrellas
I use an umbrella... I hold it over my wife while she carries the baby.. because if I don't, no sex for me. Go ahead and say I'm not a man, but I will be getting laid while your stuck in the rain getting wet.
I motion that it's ok to bend rules sometimes, if pwn'ing the vag is on the line
 

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Thats perfectly acceptible kevron, we gotta take care of our women and children. However if you were by yourself and were using an umbrella, with the exceptions of standing at a funeral or some formal event,...then you need to hand over your man card.
 

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Men dont use umbrellas
I use an umbrella... I hold it over my wife while she carries the baby.. because if I don't, no sex for me. Go ahead and say I'm not a man, but I will be getting laid while your stuck in the rain getting wet.
I motion that it's ok to bend rules sometimes, if pwn'ing the vag is on the line
The official rule book I read had a loophole for that very circumstance.
 

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Thats perfectly acceptible kevron, we gotta take care of our women and children. However if you were by yourself and were using an umbrella, with the exceptions of standing at a funeral or some formal event,...then you need to hand over your man card.
We have cards??? I don't have one... My state must have put a fee on it.. like everything else...
 
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