The Real Truths in Life.....

Discussion in 'HPFF Comedy' started by Hermitt, Nov 24, 2014.

  1. Hermitt

    Hermitt Hey! Get Off My Lawn! Member

    1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra.
    A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

    2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never
    realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

    3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having
    a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - Even better!

    4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend
    of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the
    woman's husband.

    5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson,
    Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their
    preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

    6. I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit…A recent
    study found that women who carry a little extra weight live
    longer than the men who mention it.
  2. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter


  3. EvilE424

    EvilE424 Death to Dishonor Lifetime Supporter

    A couple more :)

    The five things you say while driving:

    1) What the F are you doing? Seriously what the F are YOU DOING?

    2) Nice blinker A$$hole

    3) Why aren't we going the speed limit - seriously its ____(enter speed limit)

    4) I am going 10 miles over the speed limit what more do you want?

    5) Sh&^s is that a cop? No. Sh&^ that is a cop

    A few more:

    Everyone hates having to be nice to that person you secretly want to punch in the face

    You know you are in trouble when your girlfriend says "I find it funny that...." When 99% of the time you know she did not find it funny at all.

    When you have a sore throat you still swallow every 5 seconds to see if it is still sore.
  4. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter

  5. Bull

    Bull Just a Man Supporting Member

    Are you my Dad?........ I've been saying that for years!
  6. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter

    I got that one from my dad, he only used it when mom wasn't around.
  7. bscar

    bscar Supporting Member

    Ever notice how anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and everyone going faster than you is a maniac?
  8. cicpup

    cicpup Resident PITA Supporting Member

    Fixed it for ya.
  9. bscar

    bscar Supporting Member

    No one else was quoting sources. :p

    And besides, I was going to post the video of it eventually. ;)

  10. MachoMelvin

    MachoMelvin Well-Known Member

    The REAL truth of Life;

    ​I read of a man who stood to speak
    at the funeral of a friend.
    He referred to the dates on the tombstone
    from the beginning…to the end.

    He noted that first came the date of birth
    and spoke the following date with tears,
    but he said what mattered most of all
    was the dash between those years.

    For that dash represents all the time
    that they spent alive on earth.
    And now only those who loved them
    know what that little line is worth.

    For it matters not, how much we own,
    the cars…the house…the cash.
    What matters is how we live and love
    and how we spend our dash.

    So, think about this long and hard.
    Are there things you’d like to change?
    For you never know how much time is left
    that can still be rearranged.

    If we could just slow down enough
    to consider what’s true and real
    and always try to understand
    ​the way other people feel.

    And be less quick to anger
    and show appreciation more
    and love the people in our lives
    like we’ve never loved before.

    If we treat each other with respect
    and more often wear a smile,
    remembering that this special dash
    might only last a little while.

    ​So, when your eulogy is being read,
    with your life’s actions to rehash…
    would you be proud of the things they say
    about how you spent YOUR dash?
  11. EvilE424

    EvilE424 Death to Dishonor Lifetime Supporter

    Nope I like it when they go fast - because that means I can go fast behind them ;)
  12. EvilE424

    EvilE424 Death to Dishonor Lifetime Supporter

    My dad just called everybody Sh^% heads! But other than that the rest is about right!
  13. undeRGRound

    undeRGRound ROLL wif Da MOLE! Supporting Member


    (Do Not Cheat by using Google or viewing image URL!;)) A Contest for EvilE424:

    Who am I?

  14. Rerun

    Rerun Member

    I followed an ambulance heading towards H-town on I-45 one day. We were hitting 85 +\- at times. When we got to Beltway 8, they entered the beltway and I slowed to 60 MPH - normal speed. As I passed under Beltway 8, two HPD motorcycle cops came down the entry ramp, one to the right lane the other to the left lane, and 'escorted' me into downtown.

    I was the spitting image of the 'straight and narrow driver'.

    Seat clamping the whole way.

    We parted friends.


  15. undeRGRound

    undeRGRound ROLL wif Da MOLE! Supporting Member

    I do not think the fast drivers "E" was referring to have the 2-way radios your bambalance had ;)

  16. shamelessly stolen from George Carlin! :p
  17. Hermitt

    Hermitt Hey! Get Off My Lawn! Member

    Addressed in post #8 on page 1..... ;)

  18. Yes, but sadly I posted BEFORE reading any further.... :eek:
  19. undeRGRound

    undeRGRound ROLL wif Da MOLE! Supporting Member

  20. EvilE424

    EvilE424 Death to Dishonor Lifetime Supporter

    Lol that's the girl from my quote/signature.