Things not to say to a cop if you are stopped

Discussion in 'HPFF Comedy' started by SURVIVALBUD, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.!
    You're not going to check the trunk are you?
    No, i don't know how fast i was going. the little needle stops at 110 mph.!
    Back-off Barney, i got a piece....

    number 1 answer- On the way to the station, let's get a six
    pack, OH and don't FORGET THE CIGS.....:cool:
     
  2. Rerun

    Rerun Member

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    Or-

    Honest Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of the incohol...

    eldar
     

  3. Fracman

    Fracman Member

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    "I have a gun" when they first walk up to the window.
     
  4. histed

    histed Supporting Member

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    Frac - I'm shocked!! I thought you'd at least go with "What's shakin', bacon". Bad thing.
     
  5. Outlaw

    Outlaw Supporting Member

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    But occifer, the speed limit sign said "Highway, 285". I weren't goin near that fast :p
     
  6. "I couldn't have been doing 90 miles an hour; I have the cruise set at 100"
     
  7. Hermitt

    Hermitt Hey! Get Off My Lawn! Member

    Play this really loud when he walks up to your window.....

    [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvV3nn_de2k[/ame]
     
  8. bscar

    bscar Supporting Member

    [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4nQve_rtOg[/ame]
     
  9. SWAGA

    SWAGA No longer broke... Lifetime Supporter

    My wife and I had just seen the episode of the 70-ies show where the stoner ( cheech or Chung ) gets pulled over and says Mr Occifer.
    As we're joking about it I run a yellow light in a bit of a ghetto cruiser looking car.
    Get pulled over and I swear, stone cold sober I could not say Officer.
    Got off with a warning lol
     
  10. talon

    talon the banned wagon

    He saw your Obama bumper sticker and was afraid you'd sue him for discrimination. ;)
     
  11. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    He new your wife and felt sorry for her. Since you had that SWAGA belt on.:-D
     
  12. cicpup

    cicpup Resident PITA Supporting Member

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    What you want?
    I ain't doin' $#!t.
    This is because I'm black.
    You ain't searchin' $#!t. I know my rights.
    Don't You Touch Me!! Don't You Touch Me!!

    Sorry. Just transcribing a World Star Hip Hop Video.
     
  13. SWAGA

    SWAGA No longer broke... Lifetime Supporter


    No a 1980-ies pickup truck with NRA and Mitt Romney stickers doesn't draw attention.
    At least I was driving a cool car.
    Did I mention he had his hand on his gun and he was yelling at me?
     
  14. Back in the early 80's when I was stationed at Ft. Hood Texas, we had to drive to San Antonio to pick up a buddy after a long weekend. Got pulled over outside Austin (fortunately we'd stopped 10 minutes earlier to take a leak and cleaned out all the empty beer cans) for speeding. The officer asks Biggs to step out of the car so he does. Unfortunately he left the engine running and when he went to put it in Park, he stopped at Reverse.

    Yeah, the car backed into the cop car and we had to wait around for night court so we could get Biggs out of jail. Which might not have happened if he hadn't got mouthy with the cop. Let's just say it was an interesting weekend.
     
  15. Officer, what is those rubber gloves for??

    Butt Officer, the Guy behind me was doing 80mph!!
     
  16. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    Really my name is not Mole don't shoot I'm TNT, gets shoot anyway. :D

    Swaga the cop was yelling Turn off that damm belt You look like a spotlight!
     
  17. Think1st

    Think1st Supporting Member

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    **Um, Officer, you might not know this, but I'm kind of a big deal around here. It would probably be better for your career if you just forgot you ever bothered me with this ridiculous stop.

    **Deeploomateec Eemyoonitee.

    **Would a $20 bill make this go away?
     
  18. FlashBang

    FlashBang I Stand With Talon Lifetime Supporter

    There were 4 words guaranteed to either get you a ticket or arrested if you used them with me when I was on the job:

    "My Dad's a Lawyer"


    .
     
  19. tallbump

    tallbump Supporting Member

    I'm not as think as you drunk I am