to date her, or not to date her?

Discussion in 'Vintage Topic Archive (Sept - 2009)' started by shadowlands, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. Hey Everyone...
    Hey Waltham & Primal...

    I've (in the past) asked a couple of my buddies on here, especially Waltham and Primal, if I should date this young lady who I work with. She's been after me for well over a year. I've been avoided her for the most part. We've hooked up outside of work only 2-3 times during the past year. Why? Because I'm afraid of relationships.
    Let me explain...
    Back in 2002, my wife of seven years lost her life in an automobile accident. My life turned to hell in an instant. I was wanting to die and I was very depressed, for years. Then in 2005 I meet someone. I fall in love again. I give 110% to a new lady and in the middle of 2006, she leaves me for another guy and gives me back her engagement ring. Since then I've avoided women. I'm not dating at all. I'm wanting to be relationship free. And that's why I've been staying away from the young lady in the photo below.
    Even though Waltham and Primal think I should start slow and give the girl a chance.
    Well guess what? I'm finally doing just that.
    We've agreed to two dates already. I'm looking forward to it as well. I've got some cool plans already. But yes, a big part of me is still not wanting to fall in love again... but hey... I'm going to bite the bullet so to speak, and go on a couple dates with her...

    Primal & Waltham.. believe it or not, I listened to you both back when I first brought up this subject. I'm just slow as hell, and my friends tell me I'm at least half retarded...

  2. Good for you my friend! Just let it happen as it happens, so to speak and if its meant to be, it will happen.

    If this pretty lady has spent a year of her life chasing you, she must see something in you that we dont! J/K ;)


    SHOOTER Z Well-Known Member

    Congrats! I have to agree with them go slow and see how she goes. Be open and explain it to her if she is a good catch she'll understand and not push it herself If it works out you'll know. Be open and communicate as I hope she does the same to you. Good luck and my prayers are in the works for you.
  4. Ari

    Ari Guest

    Good going
  5. Thanks guys... thanks for taking the time....
    shooter z, I appreciate the words and prayers.
    waltham... ha! and so true...
  6. You've had a hard row to hoe, and it sounds -- since you're approaching things slowly -- like you're prudent and judicious. That's the ticket, and best of luck to you; and, maybe, to the both of you, depending oun how that works out.
  7. Thanks farmkid... I appreciate it....
    I think a big part of me simply doesn't want to care for anyone so I don't have to lose them....
    Standing outside the fire, they say...
  8. I'm not going to even pretend to walk in your shoes, thats some hard stuff to go trough. I consider myself extremely lucky, I fell in love with my wife the first time I saw her and I still wake up every morning counting my lucky stars for helping me find her.

    Before her, I was one of those guys who thought of myself as a perpetual bachelor. She changed my life. She gave me hope. She gave me a reason to want to love.

    Remember, your love did not cause what happened. Your love simply made it difficult to understand and cope with it. But don't let that hinder you, for without love, what do we have?
  9. griff30

    griff30 Member

    Reminds me of some drama I went through. I married a gal in 1989 and came back from Desert Storm and she was pregnant (not mine). 1st divorce.
    I hooked up with a blonde southern bell that cooked like no tommorow. We got married and life was great. We got rear-ended by a truck on Rivers ave in Chareleston S.C. She was very pregnant at the time and we lost it in the accident.
    One week later I was shipped out to Haiti for operation support democracy, that was 1994. I came back months later to find my southernbell pregnant, it was a friends kid. I loved her and was going to give the kid my name and tell no one about it, no questiones asked, no holding anything against her.
    I wanted kids and a family but the friend wanted to be dad so I had no legal rights. 2nd divorce. She and I still talk and are friends.
    For 9 years I was NOT serious with any gal, just sex. Mostly girls looking for the same, I didnt want to hurt feelings along the way. Then I went out with this hot little redhead from work, didn't know she was interested. She knew I had a VERY bad rep as a "player" (hate the word BTW) We dated, dined ect dated more and within a month of wirlwind we were engaged. We have been married since 2003 and I have never been happier.
    We have two kids 3 years old and 5 months old. We got a late start I'm 39 this Jan and shes 30 this month. We make up for lost time and appreciate every moment we have. It's never too late to roll the dice and take a chance. We pray and thank God everyday for finding each other.
    You will too.
    Take that pretty gal on a hot air-baloon ride for a date this spring, she will remember it fondly.

  10. Shadowlands, I believe that Waltham41 and I were both advocating a small change, nothing major. I am not saying you should marry her tomorrow, but if she's not given up on you after a year, it appears that she's not interested in just being friends. All I am saying is to just let your guard down slowly, and see how it goes. She seems to be head over heels for you, as most of the women I have ever known couldn't stay with a guy for more than a few months, even when the relationship was good. For her to keep after you for a year or more says something about her intentions. Just my $0.02

    If I were in your same situation, I would be inclined to do the same thing, so I understand your reluctance 100%. Like I said before, give it a shot and see how it goes. She may be the Yin to your Yang ya know? How are you going to find out? Left to your gut feelings, you never would..... Just give it a try and see.

    Besides, you guys are CUTE!!!! LOL!!! :wink:

    Of course, I was referring to her, not your ugly mug!!! :D
  11. z71silverado98

    z71silverado98 Member


    jk, if you've got a connection, let that develop, dont rush things. After all she's just a person looking for a friendly face in an otherwise hostile world.
  12. Go for it, why the hell not ya know? meant to be, it'll be. besides, I can't see you doing any better and it's a matter of time before she comes to her senses ;-)
  13. I think that yall make a fine looking couple . Go slow and see what happens.
  14. elguapo

    elguapo Guest

    Go for it dude!

    Never been in your particular shoes...but been in the exact same pos as you.

    Should you go for it, and she decides to not want it, then where are you? Back at Zero....At least you tried.

    But if she did....and actually "Liked" you....well then, this convo is a null and Void kinda thing. (I am hoping for that former thought)

    If not, then, gather yourself up,

    Do what you want, and do as many things that you know that will drive her out of your mind....Keeping busy is the best policy when the "negative" quotient comes around.

    Yeah, thats my life so far....

    But Shadow: I truly hope it turns out better than mine....thats all I can say.
  15. Hey man you just gotta keep gettin back on the horse. Relationships can be a pain but its a choice you've gotta make.
  16. Fenix

    Fenix Guest

    Go on the two dates, don't lead her on and see where it goes from there. Heartbreak is a bitch though, I know how you feel.
  17. bushman98,
    Man, I really appreciate the great point that you made, and of course... coming from a fellow Houstonian...

    thanks a million for taking the time to share your story with me/us. I like your happy ending. when my fiance left, that sucked, but it was nothing compared to when I lost my wife in an accident. that one still haunts me. But yes, this new lady brings a smile to my face at times, even when I'm trying not to smile...

    as always... right on! well, except for your very last comment... but you know what? you're right.. I'm not getting any better looking...

    they do drain the ammo money! and this little girl tends to like nice things. but hey, I buy inexpensive clothes, but I spend money on guns and cameras so I guess we all have our money issues...

    I hear that! I keep asking her why doesn't she find someone a bit younger (I'm ten years older than her) and more "her speed". she just keeps saying that she'll wait for me to come around. It's funny to me in a way for I've always been the one doing the chasing... this is new to me...

    thanks bro. I appreciate it.

    I totally hear ya about the "stay as busy as you can" theory. Believe me, that's exactly what I've been doing to keep her out of my mind. It's also a method my father taught me when my wife passed. I started taking up so many hobbies and traveling around like a suitcase with wings. it's become who I am and I do it well. built a shell around myself in a way. And this crazy girl is trying to chip away at it...

    That's what many have told me. I agree with you certainly. I've just take the last year and half off so I wouldn't have to fall off any more horses.

    will do. I'm planning on it. and don't tell her that I said this... but I'm actually looking forward to it...
  18. I haven't bothered trying to find anyone to date for way longer than you have(thank god i'm young). My last relationship was one that started okay but she turned out to be a manipulative woman with lying problems. I must have some irish blood in me, I'm the type that will put up with crap and take it in stride. Lasted about a year and a half.

    As long as she's waited for you, ya better take your chances.
  19. I know I've got some of that same Irish blood in my as well.
    I hear ya! It's amazing how a bad relationship can erase the need to be in another one. I just don't trust people these days and it's going to take some time before I will again. People will say anything.. holding your hand and looking you in the eye... WILDT!
  20. freedom

    freedom Member

    I say go for it. She is very attractive and looks like a nice girl.

    I have not lived through the passing of a wife but I have had my unfair share of girls dropping me. Something about being too nice. Guess I need to be a bit more of an arse.

    You look like a good couple.