What would you guys do? Medical question.

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Boom-Boom_OKeeffe, Jul 10, 2015.

  1. A fella I went to high school with has kidney disease. He's on a donor list. He's a good fella, worked with the Boys and Girls Club, etc. They're a good family. His sister also has cancer and she's a minister. She's gone through radiation and now she's going through chemo. I'd hate for their Mom to have to bury them both soon. Should I be tested as a kidney donor?

    Here's the deal. I have the worst luck on the face of planet Earth. If I get tested, because I think it's the right thing to do, I KNOW I'm going to be a match. And then with my luck, I'm either going to die on the table getting the damn thing out, or I'm going to get some kind of kidney disease myself in short order. Again with my luck, NO one would ever donate a kidney for me and I'm not some "hollywood person" who will get bumped up on the list. But if I get tested and I'm a match, I can't say no at that point. Ok, I wouldn't say no at that point.

    My son is 21 and will graduate college next year. My girlfriend's oldest is starting college next year. 2nd oldest will be starting college the year after that and youngest will be in the 8th grade next year. I asked my girlfriend (of 7 years) about it and she doesn't want me to do it, mostly because she's scared something will happen to me. She's basically the "bread winner", but can't earn as much as she does without me. (Long story) I've asked her a hundred times to marry me (nothing to do with the bread) and she won't for various reasons. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't care how she feels about it other than I feel for her being scared. Ok, rephrase that..... I care how she feels about it, but by God, if she won't marry me and I want to give someone a kidney, screw her, that's why.

    The other side of it is I'm 48. Both my parents died of Alzheimer's and supposedly that's hereditary. If I give this guy a kidney and die young, that's not the worst thing that could happen to me. I took care of both my parents during their illness and that has changed my outlook on life. I do have $250,000 life insurance so at the least, that'd get all the kids through college. What would you guys do?

    And maybe I'm just asking because I'm scared. But I'm not a *****. I don't know if I should try to help this guy or I should be looking after my family. That's where I'm stuck, not because I'm scared. I'm more scared of leaving my family than anything else. I know I can have a long, healthy life with one kidney, but yeah.... the luck thing..... I want to try to help this guy, but my greater obligation is to my family. I'm torn.

  2. And the other thing..... I give up a kidney and then I get kidney disease..... I could bleed my family dry with health issues. I told my girlfriend I'd put a bullet in me before that happened. With my "family history" I would never bleed out some medical problem only to end up with some "obvious" problem. She is not at all happy with me considering this. Ah well, if ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it. LOL :) And I'm certainly not trying to belittle her. She knows it's the right thing to do, she just doesn't want something to happen to me. She *does* feel for the family, she's just scared too.
  3. OldOutlaw

    OldOutlaw Supporting Member

    I honestly do not think anyone but you can make that decision. I can tell you this. It is far worse to have someone you love dieing of a Cancer and having no opportunity to to donate anything so she can live. If I only could donate an organ, if only I could.
  4. To clarify, the sister has the cancer, I can't really do anything for her. The brother has the kidney disease and he's the one needing a transplant.

    I know I'm the only one who can make the decision. But I'm needing input. I can't make that decision on my own. My girlfriend is too close to the situation. My kids are too stupid.... well, you know what I mean. :) Well, I can make the decision, but I'd still like input.
  5. talon

    talon the banned wagon

    It sounds to me like you don't want to do it, you just want us to justify your decision for you.
    You're under zero obligation, if you don't want to do it, dont.
  6. ajole

    ajole Supporting Member

    NE Utah
    Get checked, if you care enough about this guy to give up an organ, at risk of your life. No one I went to school with is that close to me, so I don't know how that is.

    If you DO come up as a match, take out some serious life insurance. That way your loved ones are cared for financially, in the worst case.

    That ought to cover all the bases, other than your own personal well being.
  7. Of course I don't want to do it! I'm not asking for justification, I'm just asking for opinions. I don't know anyone who would want surgery that they didn't have to have. I think it's the right thing to do for this guy, but if something happened and I was selling my family short, maybe it's not the right thing to do for us.
  8. talon

    talon the banned wagon

    Again, it sounds to me like you've already made up your mind.
    To me, common sense of if i could put my family at risk it ain't happening, outweighs but hes a nice guy any day.
  9. No, my mind is not made up Talon. I want to do it, but your opinion of "my family at risk" is why I'm asking. And your opinion is appreciated.
  10. Think1st

    Think1st Supporting Member

    Family has to take precedence over friends. If you become a burden to your family because you went under the knife for a friend, then who will help you and your family? This isn't about you. This is about your family--period. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything.
  11. cicpup

    cicpup Resident PITA Supporting Member

    Wonder if this is a first?

    My unwanted opinion - Family first. Period.
  12. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    Family First then others. But your Family comes first. I'm on the bone marrow list after a friend got cancer but that isnt a big choice like you have to make. I would do alot of thinking before you commit to doing it.
  13. SWAGA

    SWAGA No longer broke... Lifetime Supporter

    I wouldn't.
    I wouldn't even have my self tested because that just places an extra burden on your soul.
    This may sound harsh but it's no your problem.
    If you donate it becomes your problem and there is no way back.
    I'm generally a sucker for sad stories but there is a line in the sand.
  14. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    You have no soul :p:p
    Its a gift from the Heart Swaga geez do I have to explain everything:eek:
  15. GulfCoastGuy

    GulfCoastGuy Member

    Just my two cents ...

    You could wait and see how he fairs in the lottery. It'd be a heavy load to carry but the best balance between the responsibility to your family and loyalty to your friend. If it comes down to the wire and your viewpoint shifts in his favor you'll be ready to step in and be tested.

    Gotta think of the family but you seem close to the friend, too.

    Tough call ... definitely one to hand over to God.
  16. ajole

    ajole Supporting Member

    NE Utah
    Silly Moonzie. Libs' hearts are already bleeding for the poor, the planet, the downtrodden, the minorities, the whales....they got nothing left to give.

    Except their opinion, and our money.:rolleyes:
  17. If you feel guilty or bad about not doing it, Im sure there are plenty of other ways to help your buddy out when the time comes. Example: mow his yard, run errands...yadda yadda yadda. At some point, donor or not, he's gonna need help.
  18. MachoMelvin

    MachoMelvin Well-Known Member

    John 15:13
    Greater love hath no man, than to lay down his life for a friend!
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2015
  19. talon

    talon the banned wagon

    That sounds wonderful but notice it leaves out the part about supporting your family while your dead.