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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know a girl, who just left her boyfriend/fiance because he was abusive. Who beat her almost everynight for the past year and a half. She moved in with her meth addicted mum(remember the married chick I used to talk about, it's her ex's younger sister-in-law.) Where he would call and harass her every night. Call at all hours of the night waking everybody up. Would leave offensive and threatening voice mails. Her mum is now in jail, she had nowhere else to go so she went back to him. She is getting beat even worse for leaving him.

We all tried to go get her away from him for so long, but she wont tell us where he lives, she wants to stay with him. After he beats her, he will cry and tell her he's sorry and it'll never happen again...then the next night, she gets her ass beat. The married chick just called me crying telling me that he beat her so hard that she is bleeding from the eyes. The white part of her eyes are red, and one of them is swollen closed, and she thinks part of her skull(the zygomatic bone) is broken. I called her and she was crying so bad, I couldn't understand her. I finally got her to calm down and got enough out of her about how he beat her with a bottle because he ran out of drink and the beer store closes at 9pm so I can't get anymore. Then he left to go fuck some scag down the road from them.

She WONT let us come get her, and she wont call the cops because she loves him, and still thinks things will get better. We try to explain to her that it's only gotten worse. She can't see this because she loves him so much. And she will hate us if we call the cops, because she don't want them to take him away from her. I understand she has nowhere else to go, but damn. What can a person do? I don't feel right just standing by letting her think this is normal and that she will be happy eventually. She won't let us step in and help....I don't know what to do.
 

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SHE has to say when she has had enough. You nor anyone else can get it thru her head. She is not confident in herself to leave himand never go near him again nor will she call the police for fear of him and the idea of what will happen to her if he goes to jail.

Sorry to sound harsh but if she won't leave him and stay away or call the cops then she will be the one to suffer till she dies from it.

I have seen this in the past with others, I don't like it. That is why in my family when my sisters get married I tell their future hubbys if they ever hurt them, beat them, or whatever they will disapear. The guys who marry my nieces have been told the same thing and one thought I was joking ntill his soon to be mom in law confirmed that I was not.
 

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If you really care about her well being I'd say call the cops and talk to them about the situation, if she finds out it is you and gets mad so be it. I think you would rather have the guilt of her hating you for helping her out of this situation then the guilt of knowing she is dead because this shat head lost his temper and couldn't control himself, and that is what it sounds like is gunna soon happen. Has it seemed that each time he goes off on her it gets worse and worse? I think in time she would even thank you for it she just needs to get her head straight and that wont happen with some drunk bashing her skull in with a bottle.
 

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There's always somewhere else to go, many shelters both public and church provided. if you call her you must be able to maybe meet her? Do so and take her kicking and screaming if you have to, if not she's going to end up dead, plain and simple.
 

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i always figured it was none of my buisness and if the woman wanted to stay despite what was being done, that was her right. you can anonymously report domestic abuse to the cops, but in this case she will probably figure out its you. It may be a horrible situation but it is obvlious she doesnt want to leave and if you drag her away will go back. Sometimes lifes lessons have to be learned the hard way.

SW
 

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Also if you drag her away kicking and screaming tjat is calle kidnapping and YOU can end up in jail! SHE has to make up her mind. Yes, you could call the cops BUT they can only do so much. She had to decide.
 

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Yeah you're all right let bonzo bash her head in and kill her, no skin off my nose.

Edit to add:
BTW the only reason I suggested dragging her to a shelter was because the way Masso talked they were friends, I doubt she'd charge him with kidnapping for trying to help her. But again its not really my business.
 

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Jesus...where do you find these people...

If she's dumb enough to stay there and get whooped, that's her right--let'er do it. If she's trying to get away and he won't let her, that's a totally differently story.
 

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I only see 2 options for resolution to this situation. A. She gets fed up with the abuse and leaves with or without help. B. She dies from the beatings. I have seen this before... a few times. Luckily for my sister and I, mom left the bad ones. No clue where one is and the other walks with a limp! He came back after I was 22 to "visit" and I "escorted" him back to his car. Sorry to break it down this way.... thats how this kind of stuff works out. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yes, she is a friend. I've known her and most of her family for a number of years. Dated her sister for a month or two, and used to buy "product" from her brother.

I don't know, I try to make it a point to stay out of people's business unless they shove it into my face, which this was. We've known about this going on with them two for awhile, just nowhere near how severe it was. She would cover her wounds up the best she could, or mask them by getting in a fight openly with another girl. And blaming the wounds on the fight. She has even had facial piercings ripped out, and blamed those on being mauled by a dog.

To me, there is nothing lower than a man beating a woman. The problem isn't that she is getting beat, the problem is that she thinks it's normal and is supposed to happen.
 

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I don't like hearing about women getting battered especially by someone they supposedly love. But sometimes you have to be in their shoes to understand why they feel the need to stay with an abusive partner. I'm sure you have stressed every option to help her and hope you continue doing so. I don't think at this point there's anyway to help her because obviously she doesn't want the help. She might not have any other option but whatever her real reason is to stay with him, only she knows. All the "advice" I can possibly give you is to keep helping her as best you can and hopefully it will all work out in the end. Good luck to both of you.
 

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In some states, in domestic violence cases, once the complaint is filed, and the police have enough evidence, the victim can't drop charges. The state will pick up the case and offer the victim assistance. At the very least, call the cops and have them check on her.
 

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In some states, in domestic violence cases, once the complaint is filed, and the police have enough evidence, the victim can't drop charges. The state will pick up the case and offer the victim assistance. At the very least, call the cops and have them check on her.
If signs of abuse exist when police arrive, in SC at least, someone has to go to jail. If no signs of abuse are present, someone has to leave for the night. That's how I've seen it play out.
 

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You're right. Preferred arrest policies are pretty much standard in the U.S.
 

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Unfortunately, I have known a few women (and men) like this. Best case, even if you do call the cops and he gets put away for a while, she will either find another guy just like him or wind up back with him once he gets out. They can't help it, something in their brain is screwed up. A very lucky few finally get out of the cycle but they are few and far between.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
The married chick and I have got her to agree to come to dinner with us Saturday night. Were going to have one of those intervention things. Or those two are going to "girl chat" while I get to pay for food and drinks....
 

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Unfortunately, I have known a few women (and men) like this. Best case, even if you do call the cops and he gets put away for a while, she will either find another guy just like him or wind up back with him once he gets out. They can't help it, something in their brain is screwed up. A very lucky few finally get out of the cycle but they are few and far between.
Something's screwed up with her to think that this as acceptable. Either childhood abuse, or the fact he's beaten the crap out of her.. or her witnessing abuse in her childhood.. like her mother being abused and being taught that abuse is good. Then again it could be her just being genetically predisposed to abuse. I know it sounds crazy but it's just a possibility.
 

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Unfortunately, I have known a few women (and men) like this. Best case, even if you do call the cops and he gets put away for a while, she will either find another guy just like him or wind up back with him once he gets out. They can't help it, something in their brain is screwed up. A very lucky few finally get out of the cycle but they are few and far between.
Something's screwed up with her to think that this as acceptable. Either childhood abuse, or the fact he's beaten the crap out of her.. or her witnessing abuse in her childhood.. like her mother being abused and being taught that abuse is good. Then again it could be her just being genetically predisposed to abuse. I know it sounds crazy but it's just a possibility.
I think it's more than a possibility. Dare I say Likely
 
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