You might be a yankee...

Discussion in 'HPFF Comedy' started by Rachgier, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. Rachgier

    Rachgier Administrator Staff Member

    You Might be a Yankee if

    This is a response to Jeff Foxwhatever's "You might be a Redneck if ..."

    So..... You might be a Yankee if...

    1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

    2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

    3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

    4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.

    5) You don't know what a moon pie is.

    6) You've never had grain alcohol.

    7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.

    8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

    9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

    10) You have no idea what a polecat is.

    11) Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.

    12) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

    13) You don't have bangs.

    14) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

    15) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

    16) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

    17) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

    18) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.

    19) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.

    20) You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

    21) You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

    22) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

    23) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

    24) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

    25) You call binoculars opera glasses.

    26) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

    27) You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.

    28) You don't know what applique is.

    29) Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a football game.

    30) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)

    31) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

    32) You've never been to a craft show.

    33) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

    34) You can't do your laundry without quarters.

    35) None of your fur coats are homemade.

    36) You know what the junior league is.
  2. Bull

    Bull Just a Man Supporting Member

    I'm definitely not a Yankee!

  3. planosteve

    planosteve Lifetime Supporter

    I could add some but they are not appropriate for mixed company or tight a$$ Yankees.
  4. ajole

    ajole Supporting Member

    NE Utah
    Very first morning at Basic Training, I saw a big pan full of white stuff, kind of grainy looking, so I asked the cook for some of that Cream of Wheat.


    He told me in no uncertain terms, though he did use a few words I had never heard, that I was, without a doubt, a Yankee. :doh:

    But I got better.:p
  5. thundercroozer

    thundercroozer Supporting Member

    Born and raised in North Western Pa.,, as far north as you can get without being in New York State,, and according to that list in not even a Yankee..:confused:
  6. monsterdawg

    monsterdawg Member

    Don't forget the RC with the Moonpie!
  7. Bull

    Bull Just a Man Supporting Member

    You'd have been better off calling him a sister lovin, inbred hillbilly....
  8. monsterdawg

    monsterdawg Member

    Grits, butter and salt. Yayuh!
  9. Rachgier

    Rachgier Administrator Staff Member

    I like salt, butter, and pepper on mine.
  10. Ya forgot the Texas Pete...
  11. Think1st

    Think1st Supporting Member

    It's kind of funny. I never had grits until I went to basic loooong time ago. When I finished, I ended up unconciously "fixin' ta'" do stuff, and I ended up using "y'all" for the plural second-person form of speech. Even if you weren't born in The South, you'll certainly end up sounding and behaving as if you were after a bit of Army time.

    GLUGLUG Supporting Member

    You drink unsweetened tea

    You'd rather have a muffin than a biscuit

    Country ham is too salty
  13. Rachgier

    Rachgier Administrator Staff Member

    You know how to spell and properly pronounce croissant.
  14. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    Rach all you did was list crap a NY would do. The rebels think the rest of us as Yankees even though had nothing to do with them losing the war. Had a old man hit me in the head with a beer mug and call me a Yankee in Missouri which was dumb as there was 30 of us in the bar and he and the rest of the rebels lost again. After I broke his sternum I told him that ND wasn't even a state back then.
  15. bluharley

    bluharley Member

    I'm a Yankee from NY, and I don't know at least half of what's listed, guess I was sheltered as a child.
  16. Rachgier

    Rachgier Administrator Staff Member

    Hey I didn't list squat. That got forwarded to me in an email.
  17. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    Sure Rach nice cover for your Yankee ways ;-)
  18. cicpup

    cicpup Resident PITA Supporting Member

  19. moona11

    moona11 King of you Monkeys Lifetime Supporter

    I think Kirk wrote them all and suckered Rach into posting it ;-)
  20. Bamaboy

    Bamaboy Member

    Remind me was you can only have ten round magazines on that you might be a yankee list? ;p

    Best line ever..... What's a Grit?